The engineer, who wishes to be known only as Mike, is no stranger to the agonies and grief caused by HIV infection.
Mike lost the man he calls his second husband to AIDS 12 years ago, back before the new mixtures of anti-viral drugs known as protease cocktails extended the lives of the infected for years.
Rofes sees sites like Xtremesex in a lineage of self-conscious transgressiveness and erotic role-playing that is not limited to gay men."There have always been people – heterosexual people, lesbians, as well as gay men – who are drawn to transgressive acts and extreme sex like S&M," Rofes says.
"Sites like these evolved out of phone sex as people found ways of realizing their desires that may or may not result in physical meetings."Simulated participation in forbidden sex acts online, he observes, allows people to widen their ideas of what is erotic without actually endangering themselves or others.
HIV-positive himself, Mike launched Xtremesex three years ago after running into men in chat rooms on America Online who were "into fucking bareback as a fetish," he says.Mike says he filters out 10 to 15 ads from uninfected men a week."If they do that, the day will come when they get infected," he says."They need to be slapped in the face and told, ' Here's what you're doing.'"Many authorities believe that sex even between people who are already HIV-positive can be dangerous.Are you tired to see repetitive live shows with bored girls?If yes our bitchy girls are ready to show you extreme performances with big dildos, pussy and anal fisting, hard fucking and submission, squirting...