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In recent months, The Local has reported that Swedes are much less inclined than their European counterparts to spend vast sums of cash in their efforts to find a mate. That's because they spend it all on alcohol trying to get themselves drunk enough to talk to a member of the opposite sex.

I know that it will seem ungrateful to be accusing my host country of being a nation of stingy alcoholics, and I'll be the first to admit that a few drinks can be a fantastic social lubricant. D) If you're lucky, you are sober enough to save the other person's telephone number in your mobile, AND to put it under the correct name.

J) Spend many more hours analyzing your feeble attempts at text message"flirting," agonizing over whether you should or should not use the word "mysig" (cozy) or "trevlig" (nice), fearing the former may be too much, and the latter may not be enough. O) Since it's a little harder to pretend you are not on a real date in the formal atmosphere of a restaurant, drink massive amounts of the house wine.

P) At the end of dinner, closely examine the bill to make sure each person pays for his or her appropriate share, including the extra five kronor for dressing on the side. V) Move to the suburbs, buy a Volvo and start collecting “Vuxenpoäng” (see Stockholm Syndrome for more on the ‘adult points’ systems). X) Name it Johan, Erik, Fredrik, or Henrik if it’s a boy or Sara, Anna, Lisa, or Emma if it’s a girl.

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